Overcoming Barriers
by the14th
Summary: 'Perhaps I keep… going on about your telepathy because I-, because it's the only reason to mistrust you. Perhaps I find it… so hard to confide in someone that I intentionally look for a reason not to.' CHERIK Oneshot about telepathy, trust and friendship


_Overcoming Barriers_

Charles had taught them how to create mental barriers to shield their minds from his telepathy.

Actually it's quite easy but on the other hand it's so hard to explain! Handling this seventh sense of his was so natural to him, he'd never thought of expressing it in words before.

Now however, he had to and it involved an awful lot of stammering and ridiculous gesturing, which made the others laugh and therefore kept them from concentrating properly. But in the end every single one managed and Charles was relieved to find that suddenly they were all much more at ease around him.

Of course that didn't mean they trusted him, they just thought they could defend themselves now.

Charles had tried to explain it to them but none of them had really listened, so none of them really knew what the shield's advantages but also weaknesses were, and what it was actually doing in general.

In fact it didn't stop him from looking into their heads at all. Not even in the slightest. What it was good for, however, was suppressing the signals, the emotions, the thoughts that were so intense, they diffused, left their owner's head and somehow radiated, instantly drawing every telepath's attention.

For example when Erik had been in the icy water, half drowning, his fury unleashed, Charles had known of his presence and distress immediately.

And that's when this nice and handy trick became dangerous, because how could Charles help them if didn't even know there was an emergency?

His silent hope was that their minds weren't trained well enough to keep up the barrier when they were in serious trouble.

He'd felt selfish for showing them, he couldn't deny that his ulterior motive had been getting them to be less guarded around him, because the never-ending mistrust did hurt. It turned out to be even more bothersome than before, though, since now he had to worry about them constantly.

Life as a telepath could be really hard at times – or actually, it hardly ever was easy.

Fortunately there were few actual dangers in the mansion, apart from the toaster, which attacked Sean one morning and burnt his hand rather badly. They ended up throwing it away since the red-head seemed to have hysterical fits every time he saw the device, insisting that it was evil and would assault him as soon as he let his guard down.

Well apparently life as Banshee could be rather difficult too from time to time.

Now another downside of the mental shield that Charles had deliberately kept secret was that he could sense the shields, too. So it did conceal very intense bursts of emotion but he could also tell a lot by observing how and when the others used their new knowledge.

Raven, for instance, was the one who was the most comfortable with his gift, so she didn't use the shield most of the time. When she did, however, Charles immediately knew that there was something she wanted to keep hidden from him. So in her case it basically just kept the details from him but not the fact that there was something upsetting her (or exciting her, once she had used a barrier to prevent Charles from finding out about her feelings for Hank – as if he'd needed his telepathy to see that).

Sean didn't seem to care much either since his walls came up and down randomly and Charles suspected that he was just playing around with it while he was bored. When he held it up for a longer period of time, though, Charles concluded that he was in one of his (very rare) stoic moods.

Hank tried to keep his mind protected most of the time. When he was in the laboratory, however, he was always so focused on the work at hand that he forgot about the rest of the world, including potential violation from Charles, entirely.

With Alex it was harder since the teen usually kept his shields up and only let them down when he was genuinely enjoying himself. One of the few times Charles had noticed it had been after their first successful training session, in which he actually hit the target (although he hit the other two as well, but that didn't matter).

What really unsettled Charles, though, was that Erik's walls never crumbled. When they first met he'd noticed that the metal-bender had unconsciously managed to create some sort of a protective shield already, which was weaker than the one he'd learnt to summon now, but it was still quite impressive.

Charles disliked not being able to read Erik at all. Of course he would have never simply read his thoughts but he was used to a certain amount of reassurance that could only be attained by an occasional brush of minds, from which he only gained some very basic impressions, without any details at all, like if he was at ease or in distress.

The fact that he seemed to be overly intent on keeping him out of his head only supported his theory that he actually liked Erik more, than Erik liked him.

In a way, though, he'd known this from the very beginning. People like Charles were always drawn to people like Erik, because they were just so different – Charles was gentle, naïve, level-headed and somewhat clingy while Erik was passionate, hot-tempered, jaundiced and reserved – and… opposites attract, at least one-sidedly.

The Eriks of this world were bound to dislike the Charleses, because the Eriks weren't pragmatic enough to think about how wonderfully they would complement each other. They always wanted to do everything on their own and refused any help. A Charles on their side would only be a burden.

To make it a perfect love-… no, _friendship_-triangle there had to be a group of people who were fond of the Charleses and liked by the Eriks, but never had he encountered such a creature.

To be honest he had never seen Erik taking a liking to anyone before. Sure there had been some odd tension between him and Raven, but Charles had made sure that neither of them was actually serious, so his sister wouldn't be hurt.

Now that Charles thought about it, it still appeared like he was the closest thing to a friend Erik had. They spent a lot of time together, and not only training or plotting how to find and arrest/kill Shaw. They would sit together for hours in the night time, playing chess or discussing philosophical and political issues. And it wasn't always Charles who sought the other's company, often Erik would knock on his door in the middle of the night and ask if he could join him.

Charles loved these few hours they had to themselves, when the whole mansion had gone quiet and the only noise apart from their hushed voices would be the blustering wind outside. And he would enjoy their conversations more than anything, even though they would disagree quite often, because finally he had found someone who could match his intellect.

In a way he had found the friend he'd always been looking for. Of course at first glance you'd think he'd prefer someone with identical or at least similar ideals and ideologies but eventually Charles had come to the conclusion that Erik was exactly what he needed. The metal-bender challenged him in any way possible and that was something he had never experienced before.

There was just this one little aspect he could be sure of, that Erik would never think of him as fondly as Charles did of him. And that hurt.

'Still', he tried to convince himself, 'this is just another lesson you've got to learn – you can't get everyone to love you.'

What he couldn't stop wondering about were the permanent barriers around Erik's mind, however, so one night whilst another peaceful game of chess, he gathered all his courage and asked: 'How come, my friend, that you always keep up your shields?'

Erik had looked up at Charles reluctantly, trying to pretend he didn't have a clue what he was talking about. 'Pardon?'

'The barriers I taught you all to create, to keep your emotions inside.'

For a second Erik watched him attentively then he shifted in his seat, his posture tense again.

'Why shouldn't I keep them up at all times?' He asked with a pensive expression. 'You know I don't want you in my head.'

Charles sighed, 'If you had listened you'd know that the shield doesn't stop me from using my telepathy, it only prevents the very intense thoughts from… diffusing and drawing my attention even when I'm currently engaged with something else.'

Erik looked vexed, he was obviously feeling tricked.

'I know you don't trust me,' Charles said and he couldn't stop himself from sounding a little sullen, 'but I promise I would not read your thoughts without your permission.'

Erik's eyes softened a bit, but the discussion wasn't over yet. 'How do you know I'm using a barrier, then?'

'I can sense them.' Charles admitted.

For a second they just looked at each other, both deep in thought, before Erik spoke up again. 'The shield only works when there are emotions that are strong enough to reach outside someone's mind?'

'Exactly.'

'But then you still can tell a lot from the way we use them.' See, that was exactly why Charles liked him so much!

'I do.' He admitted.

Erik snorted, 'A fine trick.'

Charles considered his options: his friend was obviously disgruntled, now he could either be honest and confess his selfishness in order not to lose his trust, or he could just try to talk himself out if this mess.

Feeling like he didn't have much left to lose anyway, he settled for the former.

'I admit I acted out of selfish reasons, but I had different motives than you might suspect.'

'This I have to hear." Erik grumbled sarcastically.

'What I taught you, I did it so you would finally let your guard down around me.'

Erik quirked an eyebrow as if to say, 'To be able to read our minds more comfortably?'

'No, it's got nothing to do with my telepathy, for god's sake! Can't you imagine how hard it is to live with the knowledge that not a single person will ever trust you? Not even your own sister? It hurts, Erik, it really does. I didn't keep anything hidden from you on purpose but I admit I half hoped some of you wouldn't listen properly. Just so I didn't have to feel like a threat to you anymore.'

Erik looked at him and there were both surprise and realisation in his eyes.'I think I understand.'

Charles exhaled sharply, forcing himself to calm down a bit. He nodded. Good.

For a moment they sat in uncomfortable silence, he could still feel Erik's eyes on him.

'Sometimes I wish I could read _your_ mind.'

Charles looked up in surprise; that seemed a very unlikely thing for Erik to say. Yet there he was, watching his words sinking in, an almost amused twinkle in his eyes.

'Why's that?' The telepath asked, unsure where to look since meeting those piercing green eyes wasn't much of an option.

'Well you can read my thoughts whenever you want to, while I have no way of telling what's on your mind.'

Charles snorted. This was just too absurd! Finally his eyes met Erik's and he almost flinched at the intensity of his gaze.

"It's not like I'm half as… mysterious as you are." Charles said with a sheepish smile. "I'm rambling all the time."

"But you hardly ever speak your mind." Erik countered, watching the telepath attentively.

Charles froze. In a way it was true. He scarcely ever lied but often he would talk of some random topic in order to conceal what was actually preoccupying him.

But how – why – did Erik notice? How could he see through him so easily?

Charles looked up to lock eyes once again, steeling himself for whatever was to come.

'I admit that might be true… on occasion,' He admitted and Erik chuckled quietly. 'But why would you want to know what's really bothering me, anyway?'

The trace of a smile was still curling up the left corner of Erik's mouth.

'Why wouldn't I?' He asked.

Charles understood. Erik wanted more insight in his telepathy. 'I told you I'm not reading anyone's thoughts without permission, or in a true emergency.'

Erik shot him a confused look, 'What?'

'Well I figure you want to know when I'm using my gift or not, but I can assure you that in everyday life I don't use it at all, apart from the very basic sensing, which I'm unable to turn off unfortunately.' Charles's voice was high-pitched in frustration.

'That is not what I meant.' Erik said softly, 'I can't deny that I would like to… understand your telepathy better, but I'd also like to understand _you _better, sometimes.' Charles's heart beat sped up ridiculously at his gentle tone.

'Do you really believe the only thing that interests people is your mutation?' The metal-bender inquired with a slight frown. 'Do you really think so lowly of yourself?'

Charles was torn between embarrassment and irritation.

'Actually I only assumed you thought so lowly of me.' He snapped his mouth shut as soon as the words had been spoken, still a little too late. He felt the strong urge to just jump out of his seat and run away - but he knew he couldn't.

Erik gaped at him with a puzzled look on his face. 'What… do you mean?'

'I- Well you- Oh, just… Never mind,' Charles stammered, his cheeks heating up under the other man's intense stare.

'You think _I _think lowly of _you,_' it was more of a statement than a question. 'I don't see what would give you this impression.' Erik's voice was low and confused and somehow… disappointed.

Charles felt the need to defend himself. 'Well, it's not like you trust me!'

'I don't trust anyone, Charles!'

'I know you're wary of my telepathy, you keep going on about it. It's okay, though, I understand.' It was obvious that nothing was near 'okay'.

'Yes, your mutation does unsettle me a bit but…' Erik hesitated, his eyes boring into Charles's as if he wasn't sure if he could take what was to come or not. He averted his gaze, exhaled deeply and then went on quietly, slowly. 'Perhaps I keep… going on about your telepathy because I-, because it's the _only_ reason to mistrust you. Perhaps I find it… so hard to confide in someone that I intentionally look for a reason not to.'

He looked genuinely uncomfortable, his eyes glancing everywhere except Charles and his fingers fidgeting around with a forgotten chess piece.

'I've never had a friend before, Charles.' His voice was still low but had somehow gained a rough tone. 'I'm not sure if I'm capable of a thing as delicate as friendship.'

Charles stared at him wide-eyed, unable to take the information in. This was against everything he'd thought to know about him.

He wanted to ask, So you do like me? But he knew how silly that would sound. Still he felt the need to say something if just to break the awful silence.

'Y-you know I do consider you a friend,' he began, 'and I have complete confidence that you are capable of friendship.' Their eyes met again and a shy smile crept on Charles's lips, as added 'And I would be… _honoured _to be your first.'

Erik obviously fought the smile that was dragging on the corners of mouth but in the end he surrendered.

So they sat together, grinning at each other like idiots, both feeling ridiculous yet ridiculously happy at the same time.

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><p><em>AN Thanks a million times to everyone who actually read this! Feedback would be brilliant; I'd be more than happy if you could tell me what you liked or what's still in need of improvement! Thank you!_


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